The power of Love.

Within the powers of love lie the pains of life. Is love immortal, or is it as mortal as we are of the flesh? Can it transcend time truly? Will a heart forever remember the beauty that lies with giving its self so willingly to love? Can love weather the storms to come? Will I be able to stand strong in the storm? I have to ask, is it alone I stand?

I feel him even now, as I sit here and write its almost as if he sits behind him wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. His breath over my ear, cheek and neck. Feeling that peace of being protected. His voice is my breath of air, his touch my muse.

Across the distance of the world, I still longed for him. I still held him in the depths of my heart. Through the pain, through it all... I need him and I cannot let him go. There is too much that time cannot erase. Nothing time or another can heal. It will be with his hands that I find my sanity once again.

This world is so very harsh and no matter how strong I stand I crumble. He was always with me, even when I had to be the heroin and stand alone. It was the love we held that gave me the support I needed. He could never know that my eyes so drunk with love, was always he love I felt for him.

All I have ever wanted was another chance, either to close the book or to relive it all and form new moment, new memories, new storms. Let the thunder roll, let the lightening strike, bring to lovers together again.

Does the hunter still seek his prey, in the moonbeams does he see his tempest, see her rage and beckon him. Does he see those eyes, those golden jade eyes that fill with a heated molten lava, as the passion flares, the heart races, boiling the blood and make the hairs on the back of the neck stand. Does he feel her breath against his flesh whispering to him, and then slips into the darkness once again for him to seek her out.

Run she never would from her fierce tarnsman, her hunter. The battlefield has been drawn in the game of love. Object of affection, desire, weakness, strength, hope, dreams... the hunt in the night will never cease until he gets what he wants. So come my hunter, and in the darkness seek out your prey, your tempest and ensnare her once again. Chase the storm...

Destiny or peril?

"I am never letting you go my fierce tarnsman. My love. My strength. Friend and lover. You guard my heart, you captured my soul, I feed off of your zest for life.

Never let me go, never give up on a love that still holds both captive, against their will. Try as we might, we cannot let go. Finger tips touch and the sparks fly. Into your eyes I fall, those eyes that twin mine in nearly every way. We are tapestries of our lives lived.

And baby, we have lived. We have lived apart and together. Our hearts were pulled to one another, and even still they yearn to be together. I love you, until my last breath and beyond. Eternity, forever, to the worlds end and back. No obsticle will keep our hearts from seeking one another. They beat to a rhythm all their own.

Nothing can compare, there be lesser loves, and there might be greater loves. But none will ever hold the love we share. Transending even time and space its self.

Do we dare take the risk and allow destiny to rest in our hands again? Or do we walk the lonely path knowing we are forever drawn to one another. Tell me now for I feel as if I shall parish if I do not know. My tarnsman heart will always be cherished, protected and loved."

Love stained in ink II

His scroll came as a great surprise to me. I cannot begin to describe the emotions I went through as I read it. Each and every line held so much emotion, passion, desire, hurt, hate, love... it was all there. It captured me and held me captive in the silk webs it spun.

He is my tarnsman and his talons hold my heart. He protects it even if he never realizes it. I love him, Odin strike me dead, I cannot help but love him. I am so in love its crushing. Its something that I tried to push away. I tried to hide I tried to run from but I could not.

My uncle has laid the law down. He has seen my suffering, he knows it too well. His letter:

Lorelei,

After giving this much consideration and having observed the past few hands, I have come to a decision that will no doubt leave you unhappy with me, but as right of being family and your guardian, I find this decision to be the only one I can come to at this time.
I'm voiding my signature on the contract. I cannot give you my blessings on joining in contract at this time of your life. In fact, as your guardian, I refuse. Quite contrary, until I deem it time, I am placing you under orders from me that you are in time of solitary, except for times when Caste Duty is warranted. Too much has gone on in your life in too short a time. You have not had the necessary time you need so to reach decisions with a clear train of thought. Therefore, as is my right and has been for all of your life, I forbid you to agree to any such party contract until a period of time has passed.
If this man, ANY MAN, truly loves you, then he will understand and will accept this decision. And wait for you. As would any man who makes a claim of love to a woman. If a man wishes to mince words over this, you are to send them directly to me. I will not tolerate a man bringing another man's business to you.
My decision is made. It is not often that I will overrule you in these sorts of decisions, Lorelei. You are my first priority above all others so I can do no other than feel this is the right choice.
We will speak when you are feeling stronger and clearer of mind. Know that my choices are made for you with love.

Jonas

I cannot even begin to go into details what these two letters have done for me today. And yet still hesitation hangs in the air. It is thick. It is a solid mass in which I find my self trapped.

Doubt and fears come to play. I have no where to hide, only to experience it and live with in it. Have my fears become my strengths, my doubts my courage. And trudge forward. I can and will make it through it, the mess and tangled emotions that surround my heart are beautiful and there is but one man strong enough, determined enough to capture his tempest back.

I have left it open for him, if he truly wants me back he will come for me. Steel drawn and not backing down. He will not take no for answer. He will move mountains and part the thassa. He will reclaim what is his... I will not be second to any other free woman. I am his woman, my heart will always be his but he has to make his choice, he has to choose...

I want it to be so, in his hands rest the key. The key to my heart, the key to fate. While I may cry tears of many colors, I also am unafraid of feeling. I cannot stop thinking about what it was like to make love to him again in Fehu Isa, what it was like before I left.

I cannot go on in this life never feeling the way I feel when I am with him. Damn me, curse me, spurn me, spite me... loathe me... I love him. I cannot turn my cheek and look away. He comes near and I am drawn to him, I am pulled to my other half, my soul mate, my lover, my friend, my warrior, my fierce tarnsman, the tempest chaser. The steel of strength in my greatest times of need.

Fates brought us together, they saw fit that our paths cross. Two head strong storms, and yet when we collide there is a calm at the center. When in his arms I am in the eye of the storm as it rages around us. Time no longer has any form of logic, it seems to still, as two hearts beat as one.
It might be foolish for me to love a man as I do, it might be wrong, but if it is wrong I do not want to know what is right.

With Ard, there was the emotion of love. It is tender, but it is placid, it is not the fire I have in my breast for Lucien, he will never claim what Lucien did three years ago. It will never be his, he will never feel the sweet burn of such a love. And no other ever will, it belongs to one. And if the fates are so cruel as to rip him from me again, if he chooses another woman over me again, if a companionship comes my way I pray it be one of pure political nature. For I will never love another, how can I.

I miss my sons more and more each day. I missed their natal days. They are growing without me. I had built for them two miniature serpents. The exact replicas of the two I own, the two that will go to them when they reach their 18th envar. My sons will never lack for my love, but I wish to hold them again. I have truly wanted to return to the estates just to see them, to see all the children. I miss them so very much, Dacia was my best student, Naime was beautiful and perfect. She called me mother once and I cried and told her to call me Lorelei. I miss my life.

When things made sense, even when they did not. ODIN... -tears hit the page and there is a tear from her quill.-

Love stained in ink...

-this scroll will rest forever between the pages of her journal.-

My Lei, my Love,

I apologize for not writing sooner to welcome you back to our Home Stone. I find life now to be more of a fumbling through the dark than a walk along a clear pathway. I have thought at length about our night in Fehu Isa. There are some things that, for whatever reason beyond logic or common sense, grips into a heart and won't release it. No matter the distance, you pull me. Like steel to a lodestone, I can't explain it, but I feel myself, time and again, drawn to you. Pulled by some unseen and invisible force that beckons me back to you, back to my Tempest, my kiss in the storm, my lightning on the rim of the horizon.

I wanted to apologize to you about Alliya. My Love, I was wrong. I thought that what she and I shared so many years ago, was stronger than what you and I share. She is gone, and yet, I feel no pull, no urge to find her, no desire to see her. The only thing left in my chest for her is hatred. She was too busy falling off cliffs and consorting with Karians to care for my beautiful, precious, exquisite little daughter, and I lost her for it. Part of me wants to drive my sword through Alliya's gut and plant her on a pike of the City Gates to watch her die slowly. When I think of Nahla, I feel these rages like I've never known swell into my every fiber. I wouldn't have traded the time with Alliya because I brought me Nahla, but Lei, I was wrong. I felt I was losing you, I felt you were pulling away from me, and I didn't know why. Alliya swept in like a thief in the night with pretty words, gentle touches, and history, ahhhh, I scream in the night thinking of how she wound her way around my heart like an ost, tiny pinprick teeth dripping with the most deadly of venoms. She destroyed everything she touched.

I am sorry, Lei. I find myself at a crossroads. I am a man treading water in Thassa while the storms buffet from each side.

I didn't come to Fehu Isa to throw your world into a tailspin. I came to see you, to see if you still long for me the way I do for you, if you cling to the memory of us, of that kiss on the terrace so long ago, the way I do, if you call my name at night when you're alone, if you wish beyond all hope or reason to be in my arms. To find you there, wearing my tunic, your hair unbound, possessing body that steals my breath and makes the blood in my veins run with the pace of battle, finding your eyes, Kings, your eyes! The exquisite green of your eyes, Lei, they haunt me, they torture my thoughts, and to look into your eyes that night in Fehu, Kings, I can't express. To kiss your lips and feel you in my arms, to hold you, touch you, taste you, love you, want you. Kings strike me dead for wanting you the way I do! However, I know also the true feelings that passed between us the night in Fehu, and I have not forgotten how it felt to make love to you again. You ignite

Lei, I should let you go, let you find happiness that I cannot and have not been able to give you. To let you find that one person who warms your heart, who brings a smile to your face, instead of a tear to your eyes. But something, Kings, something won't allow me to let you go. I can't. The thought of losing you, never being able to hold you again, tears at the very fabric of my soul.

I do not ask you to make a choice between Ard and I, Lei. To do so would be dishonorable of me. You made a promise, drafted a contract, and that is what you must honor, my Love, but I wanted you to know, that I do love you, Lei. With a love that transcends time, space, distance, companionships to others, voiced hatred, unvoiced love, pain, suffering, sorrow, peace, comfort, and shame, I love you, and I do not apologize for that. The Kings crashed you into me years ago, my Tempest, and I cannot let you go, no matter how hard I have tried. Even if we both companion others, I do not see how I could live life without your touch, the look in those eyes that twin mine, that give me a soft place to land when the rest of the world looks bleak.

I love you, Lei. Kings damn me for it, but I love you, and I am sorry for the pain and anguish I've caused you.

Until my last breath and beyond, you have the heart of your Tarnsman,

Luc

Keeper of thine heart.

" And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"

Last Breath

"My Last Breath"

hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside mysel
fare all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

holding my last breath
safe inside mysel
fare all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

holding my last breath
safe inside mysel
fare all my thoughts of yous
weet raptured light it ends here tonight

Home coming

It was a quite home coming for me. There was no big anything, my ships were taken into the harbor, they were docked.

My crew stayed with the ships to see that all were taken care of, Jonas, Clark and Tad and two new guardsman escorted me back to my villa. It feels so weird to be followed now by guards with in my own home.

So use to walking alone late at night, now is not possible. I know its for my protection and yet it the cold chill of fear takes hold. The missives were all read when I finally got to my villa. The small infant in my care is now sleeping well.

I feel odd here, something is still in limbo. My heart. And that is held in a balance that is easily tipped one way or another. How will I escape this feeling that grows inside. More each day makes me pull further and further away.

The north has left a chill upon my flesh once again, but has it done the same to my heart. If I were to face Lucien now would I fall into his arms...

I know now why I felt so trapped in returning to Cos, the impending companionship I am now loathing. I feel as if I must go through with it, I must follow the promise I made.

I feel the anger rise inside of me, I feel like a shell now when I think of it. How can I possibly go into another companionship, I forced feelings for someone that are not there, not in the vicinity that I made my self believe they were.

I was a fool in so many ways.

Perhaps I can stay the companionship, push it off for a longer courtship until I know which why I will go. Or should I just go through with it, as I said I would. Hide my pain and pretend happiness and let everyone see the cheerful me that is not me... the fake me, the warm and friendly me... perhaps it will be easier to just play the part.

Wear the mask and not let another see what is truly there, where my heart truly lies... I should have stuck with my caste work, the clinic and my villa. And not allow another to get so close. Play with fire and I got burned, many times over. Its not the best in the world to feel.

In the pit of my stomach I know something does not sit right. I need more time, I cannot hide here in the villa, they will know I have returned. I should have had the ships stay out at sea longer, just disappear for awhile.

I cannot run, that is foolish in of its self, it shows my weakness. No I will brave this as I have everything else. Walk the path I made, the thrones cut my feet, no petals are upon the ground, I gave that up, believing they would be far happier without me and with another.

To that question I still do not know the answer. Perhaps I never will, for I wont ask, that is just begging the dagger through the heart and he has seen too much of my pain as it is. I am Lorelei, I am Lei... I am the passionate physician, the ice cold temptress from the north... I will steal the souls, I will take breaths away, I will heal wounds and save lives... I will live as a Cosian free woman.

I will do right by my caste and home stone. They are what I have, they are what I need to refocus upon.

My heart will find its way, it will find a light again, but for now in the dark it rests.