Choices...

Our choices in life are often the very things in which people narrow in on. They will pick apart the most innocent of choices and turn a blind eye to the fact that, they, too make the same choices in life. One choice might in turn be the mistake that will sear your heart upon a spear leaving it out in the sun to rot, being torn apart piece by piece by the vultures that seek to destroy for their personal gain.

We walk through this life with nothing but the lessons we have gained, not those taught at the knees of our parents, or teachers, no the lessons that bards speak of when they travel, the lessons we learn through living, and only then can we carry with us anything resembling a life lived.

Mistakes happen, mistakes are just the sliver lining to the thunder cloud that looms. For inside each mistake is the pearl of wisdom to learn from. Cherish and hold to the heart and push forward. One foot before the other... lean on your self, but will you crumble...

Chances are always risky, without risk the rewards would be empty words and nothing left but the dried crumbles of the reward that was nothing more than dried sand... in the wind it blows away. Taking with it a part of you.

Each tear that has fallen has had a purpose, be it for good or ugly, the human emotion is something that is beautiful. One should never be ashamed of such, and NEVER... NEVER say your are sorry for having felt... s o m e t h i n g ...

Life can be so bland, perhaps we are jaded, perhaps we grow bored and restless...seeking that thrill again, that race of the heart, the balmy hands, the catch of breath, the fires that smolder, just one more time... feel the heat of fear, the urge to run, the need to scream...

I made a choice... and my choice has left me cold and afraid... and yet comforted and secure...

Roll off my back like water on a tarn's feather... perhaps... OH... if it was only so easy as it is to write the words... hands tremble when the voice rolls through my head... my heart screams and I feel the drowning effect seize my lungs as fear creeps, my arms go cold, my mouth dry, my legs heavy with the urge to run and seek solace or comfort...

But naught will come, for my mind is my tormentor... the constant reminder of the choices I have made and the damage that was left in the wake of it all.

I made a choice... and it was as easy as breathing... a beat of my heart and I knew... it was not so difficult to choose.

Quote

"Truth is, I gave my heart away along time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back."

Trust & Love

Eyes... they can tell us many a things... they can be the windows to our souls, the truth when our words fail, the tellers of our feelings when we no naught what they are. They will deceive, they will fool, they will lure, they will be witch, they will destroy.

Our eyes are the envy of all. With all that is covered, all that is hidden, protected... Gorean Free Woman are far more naked than they ever will realize... with the framing of our eyes, we are an open book. Even with the icy stares, the murderous gazes, the tempting fires that smolder with in. From the depths of color, to the pale mystery of some, they are the one thing that give away a woman.

Her heart, her soul, her captivating mystery that seems to draw a man. Even if they lust for slaves, something about a Gorean free woman gives a man the willies. Is it fear, is it desire, is it irritation that we spark. With a soft rise of long lashes, our movements concealed behind layers of robes and veils, our eyes speak louder than our bodies or our tongues.

Coy deception, manipulation... never. If we are wise we come to the line and just drag a toe along the edge and turn and walk away leaving you breathless. In our wake you hunger for that drink of water we have become. You yearn to find out what lies behind the masks we wear. What was it you saw in our eyes, was it something that caught your attention... for we know you did not get a glimpse of wrist or ankle, and even such a glimpse on a free woman could send a man's blood boiling. Seeing how that delicate wrist moves when she writes, or lifts a cup. Perhaps the turn of a foot, seeing how the body drifts to a melody you cannot hear.

Is your heart pounding, can you see something inside those eyes that haunt you now. You do not even know her name, you saw her in the market, just a glimpse of eyes that screamed and you heard. She is a true Gorean woman and that alone makes one fear.

Do not think us powerless, do not think us helpless. We are armed, we are dangerous, and together we will stand strong.

Friends reunited after too many years. A mother and daughter like relationship. One that has been tested by the sands of time, has fought the wars of fate to find one another again. The northern star, the beacon to serenity. Everyone needs someone, sometimes. We all need someone that just understands. Can look and know. Can comfort without a word, just knowing when to listen and when to hold.

True friendship is rare, perhaps why I have so few friends. And many do not even live on the isle. I live here, I know the people, I interact with the people, but I do not truly have any I call friend. Odd perhaps?? Perhaps not, trust is far stronger than love and far easier to break. It takes years to trust someone and in a blink, it is shattered like broken glass. Love is strong, but trust is ultimate. You lose trust, you can and will lose love, no matter how it lingers, without trust the doubt lingers and that is the only drop of poison one needs for it all to fall apart.

I cannot explain it, those that think they know me I have to laugh. They do not really know me. I am a Landau, and if I choose to let the world see one side of me, does not mean its the side of me that is honest. We all have our parts to play, I choose to play many. I can be happy to the world and torn inside. I can be laughing, and my heart is bleeding, soaring, but inside I am drowning. There is no way to tell me, unless you know how to solve the riddle that are my eyes, that give the keys to my heart, to my soul. So I ask of thee, puppet Master, have ye found the answer to the riddle that haunts you?

Do you know what lingers in the eyes that are exposed, open, raw, real, vibrant, alive, molten, a true shade of golden jade? Some do... so many more never figure it out. When you can stop a man in his tracks with but a look, then you my fellow gorean women, have found thine self, and know how to make a man stop, look, then hunger and crave. It need not be an act so open as any kajira, it can be a casual glance, nothing less... and yet opens the window to so much more.

We find our selves seeking that second half... a slave her Master a companion the one that will stand at her side. We live under the rule of men, some are stronger at their feet and others soar at their sides. We bare heirs, we are used for weapons. We hold a silent power, a strength that they have not taken... why? Why would they take that which makes us Gorean. That vital vibrancy that makes the earth women weak in comparison. We are a million times more than any earth girl ever would be. While, sure, they make great slaves and chattel for the uses of men, they cannot and never will rise to the standards Gorean woman hold them selves to.

Oh Yes, we are so very harsh against our own sex. We do what some never would think us capable. Weak... no. Even if we are only strong on the surface, we are far more than we let on. We hold the Ace, it takes someone seeking to find it, but we must allow the seeker a glimpse if we wish him to continue his search.

A toast to friendships that will always be there when you need them the most, the hand that is always out stretch, to help when you are down. To cheer you on when you are up, but in the end, always there. Leaving an imprint upon your life. We are shaped by those around us. And if you have five true friends, you are more wealthy than those that have 100's around them. For if times grow bleak who will be standing there through the storm, weathering all that is to come, all that will come, through the light and the dark, the laugh and the tears, the anger and the joy?

Here's to friends... you make my life shine more than you ever will know.

Lingering Thoughts...

Let me be... just let me be my self. I have often longed to stretch my wings, to soar and obtain everything I have ever wanted in my life.

And many times I have had the book thrown at me, and in return I throw a vase or something just as equally heavy. My mind has been a storm all its own over the past moons, many, so many nights spent in the window seat of either my office, my terrace, my room, any where... i find my self there looking out to the Thassa.

Reliving moments, dreams, feelings, events... they all come in a pattern. Some say it was so long ago, and in fact it was but a moment ago. I close my eyes and I am there again. The smells, the touches, the sounds, it all replays in my mind as if I am there again.

It is the good moments that got me through the lonely nights. I never thought I would feel alone, utterly alone. Longing for something I never thought I could want. But to know that the depths of love are bottomless is reassuring. To forgive and move forward.

I could not forget. I am not guiltless in any of this. I have set down a path all on my own. Perhaps I will have some regrets, perhaps I will have some things I will have to pay for. But to hide from it, that is not how we Landau's are. We get what we want, even if we are the osts that lay in wait in the grass.

We are cunning, we are smart, we do not give in so easily. We make the world believe one thing while the left hand is still planning, still reaching, and we will gain all we want.

I am sure that soon enough my Uncle will confront Lucien... and then me... I do not yet know what is before me. And that alone is a thrill. To lay in wait and see what is to happen, but fear still pricks my heart. Fears that I am not ready to confront, and not alone.

With my held high I will move forward. I place my hand in his and my trust and faith... for now I know I hold the strength to love him utterly. To stand beside him and beside my Uncle as well. To be the woman they both see in me. Even if I have stumbled along the road. It is that road that has lead me here. And here is where I will stay.

Cos is my home... and that kind of love will never compare to another.

A Kins love is forever... Landau's love forever...

A Mother's love is never one to be questioned...

And a woman's love... a gorean woman's love... that is undeniable when she has given her self fully over to it.

A Diamond is forever...

"I want you forever, Lei." Words that just seem to echo in my mind since my meeting with Lucien in the garden grove. It was a night I do not think I could forget. A little black box that held more than I could have ever imagined inside of it. And to think he held out on me. Well not really.

I was draped in diamonds, I mean... from two rings, a bracelet, a brooch, a pendant... I sat there speechless. I did not know what to say, or to do. It felt strange at first. I am not one for material value in anything. But it was the look in his eyes, it was the sound of his words that made me accept them.

He makes my world spin, he makes my heart race. He makes everything right. Me, his Ubara again. But I loved him before he was Ubar, and I have not seen him as the Ubar in some ways. I love him as the man, the man that came in and did not take no for an answer. He saw me, he saw what was behind the veils, behind the ice.

We make no promises, but just to love one another. Perhaps that is where we need to stay. Just letting our love be our strengths once again. My Uncle will throw the book at us... and yet I do not feel any guilt about it. I love Lucien, and my Uncle knows this... I find my self wondering if he will come this night, swooping in and taking me into his arms. Even if its just to see me before he has to rush out again.

He brings laughter back into my world. I love being able to see the children again, at any time I want. Some times I come over just to see if he will find me in the halls. Its something to steal the breath of a man away with a look. To make him burn with need to have you right then. To beat all odds just to give in to one sweet sinful pleasure.

The diamonds were unexpected just as he is... always unexpected. I would never have it any other way. I love him... the life of a former Ubara is never private, and it wont be again. But I am sure the tarnsman and I will find time to just be us... Man and his woman. We can be Ubar and Ubara to the world, but to us... we are just two lovers giving love a real chance.

Breathe deep of me...

An art of illusion can be more over powering than anything ever could. The picture of a woman gliding over the ground, dark robes consuming her figure, a hood hiding all her features, and only her crystalline voice, that sirens call that beckons to the soul that is her counter. The one that completes her utterly in more ways that she dare ever express.

The prey comes to the hunter... she provokes him, in her own dark mysterious way. Knowing the smallest of details that will bring forth just the reaction she wants from her hunter... and he ensnared his most sought after prey.

She did not dare give in easy this time. A short public courtship will have nothing on the dance between hunter and prey that has lingered over time and distance. It has not in any way diminished their pull to one another. Those soul piercing eyes that ensnare in a dark obsession. A dark desire.

Oh she is every bit that dark desire, that unquenchable thirst that lingers in the back of the throat. Be it anger, be it hate, be it lust, or love. Be it soft and sensual, be it raw and fierce, the pull is there. It burns in sets of eyes that twin and mirror one another. Strength and sensuality commingle until its more addicting than any drug. Neither can get enough to state their addiction, their craving. Seeking for that next high.

Under moonbeams they found one another again, his prize, his tempest, his silent strength. Forever her heart remained loyal and true. Always there for him, always within his grasp, in his sights. And once the wool was lifted it was she that stood there surrounded by the mist. In silence she called to him. She was never forward in her advances to him. It was in a mystic that so few hold.

Her hold is one that will never let go. Her heart is more his than he will ever understand. Will ever know, even understand. She meant it when she said forever. When she fell in love with her tarnsman she gave over more of her self than she ever realized.

The words of Calico will always echo in her mind, how right her slave was. Her heart never did close, it was always open to love, his love. And would wait, did wait. She knew deep in the dark hidden web of her heart that he would come back to her.

Breathe in deep of her, drink even more. Touch and feel, hear and listen, crave and love. Need her and not be ashamed of it. Be open about it. Be what they have always been, the Tarnsman and Tempest, the Hunter and Prey. Their tango is one that may never end. No matter the odds that life throws, some how, some way, love made a way. Gave them the chance they needed.

Did she know of the others, she did, and never said a word. She knew that he would have to make a choice all on his own. And know that she would never become second again. He would choose her or lose her. It was the cusp she plainly put out there. Choose her and love her, or let her go forever more. And it was not an easy choice to put one in, but there was a part of her that needed to see him in such a struggle. Needed to see just where his heart rested.

Did the tempest really hold her tarnsman's heart, or was it lip service. Was she the one that he craved to have near him. Could he really not live this life with out her touch, with out her perfume lingering upon him when he rose the next morning, be without her voice that lingered in the halls, her haunting visage moving with grace and elegance in the halls, that could make him weak in the knees and hot with desire with but a look and movement of her head. Exposing the vital woman she was. Exposing the hidden passions that boiled in her own blood.

Would he come to steal more moments with her, make her his. Make her more than just a tittle, but utterly make her his by giving over his heart. Putting it in her hands this time with trust. Opening more to him, she is fully ready to love him. To die for her Home Stone, to die for love if it calls for her sacrifice.

He now knows more than he ever did, has that opened his eyes to what she was willing to give up for him. She might not have towed the line so openly, but in her own way she was thrilling and far more than those that were between their fall and rise once again?

She believes now, that he has truly seen what was always there before him. Always hungered for him, yearned for him, pleaded for him to see.

So they start anew, all past mistakes are forgiven, love has been given another chance. Be it but a few moons or many, they will rise and love will always win.

So breathe deep of me... and consume me. I am yours... forever.

Soulmate.

Some say that inside every gorean woman there is a free companion and a slave. A free companion seeks her companion, a slave her Master.

I know now without a shred of doubt that I sought out my other half. The one that would complete me. Be him companion or master, I sought without searching. And yet he found me. Crashing into one another nearly four years ago.

Time has brought us together and events have torn us apart. And yet through the maelstrom we found one another. Love battled and waged a silent war. Fought against all odds to bring them together again.

Completing the circle. He is my other half, my mate, my companion. My love and soul mate. He completes me. My light in a darkness, my reason to live once again. The breath to give hope life. He was the one that brought the tempest to the light.

He provoked her, then he consumed her. He is my fierce hunter, my tarnsman, the Ubar of my heart. I am his tempest, his lei, his sought after prey. His woman and lover. Through the dark murky waters he swam. He moved mountains. Answered the call, the ante was raised and he... he alone was the one to rise to it.

The challenge that was set forth for him alone. He was the only one that had what I needed. What I demanded.

The prey has returned to her hunter, he did not take no for an answer. He never did. And I did not give in so easily this time. He crossed the Thassa for me, he risked my Uncles wrath to seek me out. He came to me under the cloak of darkness.

I am the dagger to his heart, I will open that vein that he has tried to seal off. Out will pour the love he has for me. Cleansing his heart of all that has taken root there. It will be I that stands there, holding the key. With my larl ate the herlit smile upon my lips.

His Lady of the mists I will walk the halls of the estate again. His eyes will be drawn to me. In the night, under the light of the moons the lovers will dance again. Drinking in their ecstasy. Relishing in their love.

The tempest has returned home. She has come to claim what is rightfully hers. And the tarnsman has laid in wait long enough for the return of what is his. She was made for him in many ways. Together their chemistry is like lightening in a jar. Its electric when they touch, stopping the world when they are near.

Let them look on in envy, in spite, in jealousy, in hate... She will never be another's.

May death be the only thing to take them from one another on this physical plane. For my heart will never again be fooled. It will never again be tricked.

This time I will not let a slut in robes pull the wool over my eyes, leeching a poison into my heart to cloud the love for my home stone. Adding that nagging sense of self doubt to win over. I am a strong gorean woman, a proud lady of Cos, I am a Landau physician, I am his tempest. His match. I live for Cos, my Sons, Caste and our love. They are the vital parts of who I am.

My chemical make up is simple, he makes me alive. Is the quickening in my veins, the soothing beat of my heart, the labored breathing and undeniable sounds of utter love and blind faith.

He alone sees me as no other has or will. In his arms I am a complete woman. I give my self without logic to him, give over to the crushing love that is all consuming. And yet hold the strength and resolve not to belittle my self, to always remain the strong, determined, vital, seductive free woman.

With my eyes I have brought lesser men to their knees. They want me and I do not see them. None can compare to him, they never could. Let them call him what they will, let them try and take me to my knees. They will be met with a defiance and determination and steel that will catch them off guard.

Do not dare tempt the Ost of the north. The gale force winds that rest inside of her soul will tear you apart and leave you for sleen fodder. You are nothing in her eyes. No woman can compare to her, none ever could. They might play a pretty act, but in the end who is left standing and who is made the fool.

Oh how wicked the fates are. Odin have mercy on those that try to retaliate against the duo, for they will have none. If those that call them selves Cosian have honor they will not dare. But those that do attempt the suicidal path, they should be ashamed.

The northern tempest and the fierce tarnsman...