Let me be... just let me be my self. I have often longed to stretch my wings, to soar and obtain everything I have ever wanted in my life.
And many times I have had the book thrown at me, and in return I throw a vase or something just as equally heavy. My mind has been a storm all its own over the past moons, many, so many nights spent in the window seat of either my office, my terrace, my room, any where... i find my self there looking out to the Thassa.
Reliving moments, dreams, feelings, events... they all come in a pattern. Some say it was so long ago, and in fact it was but a moment ago. I close my eyes and I am there again. The smells, the touches, the sounds, it all replays in my mind as if I am there again.
It is the good moments that got me through the lonely nights. I never thought I would feel alone, utterly alone. Longing for something I never thought I could want. But to know that the depths of love are bottomless is reassuring. To forgive and move forward.
I could not forget. I am not guiltless in any of this. I have set down a path all on my own. Perhaps I will have some regrets, perhaps I will have some things I will have to pay for. But to hide from it, that is not how we Landau's are. We get what we want, even if we are the osts that lay in wait in the grass.
We are cunning, we are smart, we do not give in so easily. We make the world believe one thing while the left hand is still planning, still reaching, and we will gain all we want.
I am sure that soon enough my Uncle will confront Lucien... and then me... I do not yet know what is before me. And that alone is a thrill. To lay in wait and see what is to happen, but fear still pricks my heart. Fears that I am not ready to confront, and not alone.
With my held high I will move forward. I place my hand in his and my trust and faith... for now I know I hold the strength to love him utterly. To stand beside him and beside my Uncle as well. To be the woman they both see in me. Even if I have stumbled along the road. It is that road that has lead me here. And here is where I will stay.
Cos is my home... and that kind of love will never compare to another.
A Kins love is forever... Landau's love forever...
A Mother's love is never one to be questioned...
And a woman's love... a gorean woman's love... that is undeniable when she has given her self fully over to it.
And many times I have had the book thrown at me, and in return I throw a vase or something just as equally heavy. My mind has been a storm all its own over the past moons, many, so many nights spent in the window seat of either my office, my terrace, my room, any where... i find my self there looking out to the Thassa.
Reliving moments, dreams, feelings, events... they all come in a pattern. Some say it was so long ago, and in fact it was but a moment ago. I close my eyes and I am there again. The smells, the touches, the sounds, it all replays in my mind as if I am there again.
It is the good moments that got me through the lonely nights. I never thought I would feel alone, utterly alone. Longing for something I never thought I could want. But to know that the depths of love are bottomless is reassuring. To forgive and move forward.
I could not forget. I am not guiltless in any of this. I have set down a path all on my own. Perhaps I will have some regrets, perhaps I will have some things I will have to pay for. But to hide from it, that is not how we Landau's are. We get what we want, even if we are the osts that lay in wait in the grass.
We are cunning, we are smart, we do not give in so easily. We make the world believe one thing while the left hand is still planning, still reaching, and we will gain all we want.
I am sure that soon enough my Uncle will confront Lucien... and then me... I do not yet know what is before me. And that alone is a thrill. To lay in wait and see what is to happen, but fear still pricks my heart. Fears that I am not ready to confront, and not alone.
With my held high I will move forward. I place my hand in his and my trust and faith... for now I know I hold the strength to love him utterly. To stand beside him and beside my Uncle as well. To be the woman they both see in me. Even if I have stumbled along the road. It is that road that has lead me here. And here is where I will stay.
Cos is my home... and that kind of love will never compare to another.
A Kins love is forever... Landau's love forever...
A Mother's love is never one to be questioned...
And a woman's love... a gorean woman's love... that is undeniable when she has given her self fully over to it.
No comments:
Post a Comment