Random thoughts

Life holds so much mystery to it. The questions that constantly haunt us and take hold. Deep rooted they plant, ingraining into our every fiber and being.

They bind you, they captivate you, hold you steady. But do you fight the vines of life, do you strive to question your very existence in this place.

The sand under my feet calm me... feeling the life of the Isle right against my bare flesh. Questions haunt and linger...

Did we know one another long enough to fall in love the first time, perhaps, but I think now after the time and events that have passed we have grown to a deeper love.

It might not be a flash and excitement that sends the blood to race, its that slow simmer that drives you out of the flesh. The respect for one another has grown. The need to know more than surface deep. To be each other's addiction and cure.

You are the bittersweet bane of my life... and yet I hunger for more. Laying out on the furs before my hearth, wearing naught but a slip of green, hair spread out over the white fur and my eyes close and you are there... Your voice against my ear, your touch upon my body, so slowly does it stir under your touch, so quickly I am consumed like rence set to fire.

Cries grow upon my lips, the world fades around me, as you teach me to feel under your hand. Experience touch, learn to trust my whole self to you. I gave only a small part to you before, and yet even when apart you still called to me, your eyes haunted me over the waves of the thassa, your voice in my mind stirred my soul.

I cannot shake you, forever in my heart I will be your Trovland Icy Physician... the Cosian woman that was not born of Cos but has become apart of her.

I belong to these lands.

Forty years... forty years and I never truly lived until I became Cosian... Always lost drifting over the winds, the wanderlust guiding me. Nothing reached up and took hold like Cos did... and yet there you were, you saw the crack, the compassion and that was it... I was helpless to the love that I found unexpected in the arrogant tarnsman.

There has never been a man that had the ability to reach into my heart, but it was not my heart alone that you touched, it was my soul, my devotion, my loyalty, passions, desires, you did not stop short... it might have taken us this long to finally reach that level of trust...

And its only the beginning... I will not falter in my step... when you are ready upon the wings of your tarn you will sweep in and by the sword take me... there will be nothing to stop you. Willingly I will wade through this darkness with you. But alone in much of the respect, you need to be... your heart has to release one to love the other... its a choice I do not envy.

But the joining last night had me thinking much about several things... Should I join again... I do not want the mush... I do not want the stomach churning gushing about love... I want something that is out of the ordinary, something that will catch me off guard and make the heart beat faster.

No insightful writings this day. For now I prepar for the journey to the sadars. Perhaps more clarity will come with the coming trip.