Intimate moments, precious moments, do not have to take place behind closed doors or away from others. Some times the ones we cherish, the ones we covet more are the ones that we let the world see. They may not understand what is going on between them, the two know.
The cafe last night reminded me how much I missed things, how right it felt to be there with Lucien. Sharing a meal, sharing wine, looks, the conversation. The small notions that he and I know the deep more profound meaning to them.
He was his same shameless self but he did say I could take ALL the children to the cottage and spend a few days with them. I miss them all so much. I miss everything about my life the way it was. Last night felt to right, felt to comfortable. As if nothing, no time, no hate, no nothing passed between he and i and we were together again. I know it was my own romantic airs that lead me to enjoy the night on the cafe balcony, but I heard it in his voice. I saw it in his gestures. More importantly I saw it in his eyes.
He actually was flirting, which by now I have learned how he does it. I still cannot fathom it what so ever. But Calico has taught me much, how to ensnare with my eyes and captivate. I miss him so much. I miss walking into a room with him, standing at his side. Being with him, leaning on him and he me. I miss it all.
From the estates, to our stolen moments. To working late in the clinic and there he would be. To massage away the tensions from my shoulders, urge me to take a break from working, and give him more time. I more than anything miss being his companion. But I wont fool my self, I know its more than likely never to happen again. But, there is that small seed of hope I cannot banish.
I know it will be moons before I am ready to even consider it again, my heart leaps before me many times. But this time my head is keeping me in check. I know he has others, I know he has a greater love than me. However he still comes to me, he still seeks me out. He still claims me as his lady, his love, his tempest, his Lei. And I gave him my heart.
And he knows it, but I think he knows how rare and precious it is now. He has lost it twice, will his risk losing it again. Risk seeing the end of his tempest. He knows I have the strength to walk away, even if my heart will never leave, I have the strength to walk away. I will not have it pressed into my face I am second. Not ever again, twice it has happened with him, and then before with my first companion and with that one I lost him and our daughter.
The smallest of intimacies with Lucien mean the world to me. Even tonight at the HC meeting, he paused by the door and was a cad... asked if I wanted to do it on the table... I said yes. He and I have made love all over the estates, my villa, cos, fehu isa... we enjoy the thrill and adventure. But his kiss, oh his kiss, set my soul on fire.
Calico taught me a few tricks... perhaps I can lure the Tarnsman to the tempest... and sparks are sure to fly.
The cafe last night reminded me how much I missed things, how right it felt to be there with Lucien. Sharing a meal, sharing wine, looks, the conversation. The small notions that he and I know the deep more profound meaning to them.
He was his same shameless self but he did say I could take ALL the children to the cottage and spend a few days with them. I miss them all so much. I miss everything about my life the way it was. Last night felt to right, felt to comfortable. As if nothing, no time, no hate, no nothing passed between he and i and we were together again. I know it was my own romantic airs that lead me to enjoy the night on the cafe balcony, but I heard it in his voice. I saw it in his gestures. More importantly I saw it in his eyes.
He actually was flirting, which by now I have learned how he does it. I still cannot fathom it what so ever. But Calico has taught me much, how to ensnare with my eyes and captivate. I miss him so much. I miss walking into a room with him, standing at his side. Being with him, leaning on him and he me. I miss it all.
From the estates, to our stolen moments. To working late in the clinic and there he would be. To massage away the tensions from my shoulders, urge me to take a break from working, and give him more time. I more than anything miss being his companion. But I wont fool my self, I know its more than likely never to happen again. But, there is that small seed of hope I cannot banish.
I know it will be moons before I am ready to even consider it again, my heart leaps before me many times. But this time my head is keeping me in check. I know he has others, I know he has a greater love than me. However he still comes to me, he still seeks me out. He still claims me as his lady, his love, his tempest, his Lei. And I gave him my heart.
And he knows it, but I think he knows how rare and precious it is now. He has lost it twice, will his risk losing it again. Risk seeing the end of his tempest. He knows I have the strength to walk away, even if my heart will never leave, I have the strength to walk away. I will not have it pressed into my face I am second. Not ever again, twice it has happened with him, and then before with my first companion and with that one I lost him and our daughter.
The smallest of intimacies with Lucien mean the world to me. Even tonight at the HC meeting, he paused by the door and was a cad... asked if I wanted to do it on the table... I said yes. He and I have made love all over the estates, my villa, cos, fehu isa... we enjoy the thrill and adventure. But his kiss, oh his kiss, set my soul on fire.
Calico taught me a few tricks... perhaps I can lure the Tarnsman to the tempest... and sparks are sure to fly.
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