Secrets of the Heart

A puzzle box and a storm, lightening and confusion... it all just wraps and coils tighter as the ahns pass by. The waves rock, I hear the howl of the winds and fears strikes true to my breast. I feel the shadows creep, their talons are just mere horts from my soul.

The sway of the lamp, its fire casts erratic patterns along the wall and the tears fall down my cheeks. Unable am I to stop them, unable to seek or find comforts. Returning home and yet it feels as if chains hold me, not the love for my home stones.

Promises and hopes, dreams and failure is all a gilded cage in which I feel trapped inside of.

The secrets that are locked in my mind and heart give me a liberation, and yet they have to be suppressed. Hidden and denied. Love for one, love for another, but am I even truly their one, could I ever have been so foolish as to think that my tarnsman had come to be with me because he wanted me, or is there some other reason, or was it simply because he knew how I would crumble... can he even let go? Could I let go?

Will the tempest forever rage, giving me agony for all my days, with the fierceness in which we loved, can that ever die... apparently it can be replaced, but can it be forgotten, it can be ignored. Oh the white hot searing pain that pierces the veil, giving no quarter to the heart.

I am torn... for which do I choose... I long for two men... I am trapped in this paradox called love... a woman's curse for her heart. If it is true, its the worst Pandora's box that could ever be opened. For what lies inside might never be what the seeker is in fact searching for...

It could be bleak and terrifying. A few will battle what comes their way, the demons that lie deep in the abyss. Discovering mysteries, truths, fears, hopes, dreams, shadows, and a love that is incomparable, a love unparalleled to any other. A love that stands alone, a love that will draw the moth to its flame. The flame that is eternal even long after the one that sparked the love is gone.

However, when another sparks a love inside the heart, the battle starts, an internal war between two loves that hold no candle to another... two that are so different and yet hold her heart, trapped in their talons as the prey of a tarn. No escaping it, no running from it, no denying it, no matter how I look at it, I am not getting any clarity on the matter... I thought I had moved past it. Moved on, and yet I am only 100 steps backwards.

My secrets will remain locked in my heart for as long as I can keep them there... never will they see the light of an other's eyes. They are mine and mine alone. I will not let another spoil what it is that is me, they seek and yet they shall not find... there is naught there for another to seek.

My heart is a place of webs and mysteries. She will not let you in and will not let you go, a paradox of her own. And epiphany will not be had this night, enlightenment shall be even more so the puzzle that will stump far greater women than I.

Both men say words that are so euphoric, like a litany in the way they whisper into my ear, they whisper to my heart and soul... powerless and helpless do they render me and they just do not s e e it. And perhaps they never will. The treasure that is in their hands, the diamond in the rough. A few glimpses here or there, but they have never fully discovered the surface of the diamond, they have never stayed long enough to buff away the rough edges...

The fire that is trapped inside is still undiscovered... and there rests the secret to my heart... what lies in the center of the puzzle box.